Blondes

Q: What do you call a blonde with 1/4 a brain?
A: Gifted

Q: What do you call a blonde with 1/2 a brain?
A: A miracle

Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brown?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.

A policeman pulled a blonde over for driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving.

Q: Why don't blondes make Jell-O?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.

Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

Q: Why do Blondes have "TGIF" on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A: Introduces herself.

Q: What's the second thing a blonde does in the morning?
A: Walks home.

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.

Q: What's the first thing a blonde says after sex?
A: Are all you guys on the same team?

Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: "What's a light bulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaaddy!"

Q: What's a blonde's favorite wine?
A: "Daaaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"

Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.

Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A: Six, one to bake the cookies and five to peel the M&Ms

Q: What do you call 100 blondes accidentally locked in a freezer?
A: Frosted flakes

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who was fired from the M&M factory quality control group?
A: She kept throwing away all the W's

Q: What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
A: They drowned in Spring training.

Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
A: "Look! they spelled MACY'S wrong.

Q: Why did the blonde climb over the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: What's the definition of "eternity?"
A: Four blondes at a four-way stop.

Three blondes have just died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. He asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?"

The first blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..."

The second blonde replies, "No, Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."

St. Peter looks at the two blondes, shakes his head in disgust, looks at the third blonde and again asks, "WHAT IS EASTER?"

The third blonde smiles and looks St. Pete in the eye. "I know what Easter is. Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. After Jesus and his disciples had eaten the last supper, Jesus was betrayed and turned over to the Romans by one of the disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder. Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out, and if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter..."

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, "Ready!...Aim!! ..."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, "Ready! ...Aim!!..."

Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She escapes.

By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! ... Aim!! ..."

...and the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"

A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."

"She is so blonde that:"

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She tripped over the cordless phone.
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put
Sagittarius.
If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes were committed around the home, she
moved.
It took her months to figure out she could use her AM radio at night.
She was staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "concentrate".
She thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company.
She told me to meet her at the corner of WALK & DON'T WALK.
When she was on the highway going to the airport and saw a sign that said
Airport Left, she turned around and went home.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She studied for a blood test and failed.
She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
She sold her car for gas money.
She looked into a box of Cheerio's and said, "OH, LOOK!! Donut seeds!!"
She couldn't be a pharmacist because she can't fit the bottle in the
typewriter.

Revenge of the Blondes -- Brunette Jokes

What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
It matches their mustache.

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