1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a
2. Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
3. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake
her upside down.
4. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies
their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
5. Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A: (Action of scissoring legs
6. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the
A: Because, that's where you're
supposed to wash vegetables!
7. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat
on the plane?
A: She'd just dyed her hair.
8. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat
on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair
and she didn't want it
9. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can
that is over their heads.
10. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap
11. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when
they're on their back.
12. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their
13. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain
14. Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using
A: There's white-out on the screen.
14(a) Q: How can you tell the blonde has returned to the
A: There's writing on the
15. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
A: You only have to punch information
into a computer once.
16. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in
A: You don't know how much either
of them mean to you
until they go
down on you.
17. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it 'cos she
couldn't get channel 9....
18. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head
from side to side) I dunno!
19. Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder
20. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder
21. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to
get two cups of water into
22. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on
the top of
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
23. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their
head in the jar.
24. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.
25. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A: They have to have some place
to rest their ankles.
26. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to
make her more
A: Her ankles.
27. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
28. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong
29. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
30. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.
31. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.
32. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.
33. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
34. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
35. Q: What's the mating call of the brunette?
A: "All the blondes have gone
36. Q: What's a brunette's mating call ?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
37. Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?
38. Q: Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods
Tax now in effect
A: Because they can spell it.
39. Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.
40. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
41. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits go in front.
42. Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give
A: "Have another beer."
43. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in
A: Pack their lunch and send them
44. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.
45. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
46. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
47. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after
A: Opens the car door.
48. Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex
A: Kick open the car door.
49. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.
50. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.
51. Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?
A: Bucket seats.
52. Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Swans?
53. Q: What important question does a blonde ask
A: Do you want this by the hour,
or the flat rate?
54. Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving
A: *Who cares?*
55. Q: Why do blonds have orgasms ?
A: So they know when to stop having
56. Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm????
A1: She drops her nail-file!!!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She say 'Next'
A4: The next person in the queue taps
you on the shoulder
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.
57. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
58. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another
A: Data transfer.
59. Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: Because they don't know any
60. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the
world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi,
and one to call, "Daaady!"
A4: None. They can't fit.
A5: Six, Five to look at the problem
and go "Duh?" and one
to call her
boyfriend to do it.
A6: 10, One to change the bulb and the
other nine to make
61. Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"
62. Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.
63. Q: What is the difference between a blond and
A: Not everyone has been in a
64. Q: What does a dumb blonde say when she gives
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
65. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out
she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's mine?"
66. Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the
flies do the rest.
67. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
68. Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"
69. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde,
and a smart
blonde are walking
down the street when they spot a $10
Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde! because, there
is no such thing as
the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
70. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other
71. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand
grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
72. Q: Why do Blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the
week it is.
73. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
74. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ?
A: Wishful Thinking.
75. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also
76. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off
who hits the
A: The brunette. The blonde has
to stop to ask for directions.
77. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers
A: Her IQ goes up!
78. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and
A: You don't lend the Porsche
out to your friend.
79. Q: What is the difference between butter and
A: Butter is difficult to spread.
80. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and
a bowling ball?
A: You can only get three fingers
in a bowling ball.
81. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and
A: They know how many men went
down on "The Titanic".
82. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
83. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
A: It costs 30 cents to use a
84. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
A: The blonde has the higher sperm
85. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
A: Not everybody has been in a
86. Q: What's the difference between a blonde track
a tribe of sly
A: One's a bunch a cunning runts
87. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
A: You don't let your best friend
borrow your toothbrush.
88. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
A: Your job still sucks after
89. Q: What's the difference between a blond having
and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
90. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
an ironing board?
A: It's difficult to open the
legs of an ironing board.
91. Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common
A: They both get easier to pick-up
92. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have
A: The more you bang it the looser
93. Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in
A: They're both empty from the
94. Q: What do blonds and spagetthii have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you
95. Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have
A: They both have black roots.
96. Q: Why did the deaf blond sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
97. Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom
of the pool.
98. Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Don't tell her to swallow.
99. Q: Why did the blonde chick drown in the pool
A: Someone left a scratch and
sniff at the bottom of the pool.
100. Q: Why do blonds have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take
the tissues out of the box.
101. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip
A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine
to peel the smarties.
A2: Three...one to mix the batter and
two to squeeze the rabbit.
102. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M
103. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M
A: For throwing out the W's.
104. Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than
the rest of the yard.
105. Q: What did the blonde's mum say to her before the
A: If you're not in bed by 12,
106. Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm
B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
107. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers
A: Because it says right on it
"good for up to 20 pounds."
108. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
109. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished
her jigsaw puzzle
in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said
From 2-4 years.
110. Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no
A: "Nice tits!"
111. Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
112. Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A: Because when they do the splits,
they stick to the
113. Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2: To get between the bedroom and the
A3: So they don't leave trails,
like little snails.
114. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then
around and come
A: It took her that long to discover
that a 14 inch Viking
was a television.
115. Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A: The Blonde!
116. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling
117. Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the 11 in
118. Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever
picked up by
A: 'No. But I've been swung around
by the tits.'
119. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either
A: An interpreter.
120. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
121. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
122. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
123. Q: What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on
A: Sweet Fuck All...
124. Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.
125. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
126. Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide-and-seek champ.
127. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's
A: A Space Invader.
128. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief
A: Branch Manager.
129. Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A labrador.
130. Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
131. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a
A: "Oh look! Doughnut seeds!"
132. Q: Why do blonds have two more brain cells than a
A: So they don't shit everywhere
when you pull their tits.
133. Q: Why don't blonds breast feed?
A: Because they always burn their
134. Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.
135. Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
136. Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
137. Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
138. Q: Why do blondes drive VW's
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!
139. Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings
A: Tell them a joke on Friday
140. Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer
from the fridge.
141. Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A: So they know if it is morning
142. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling
A: A blond electrician
143. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1: So brunettes can remember them.
A2: Because blonds are so SHALLOW a
long joke wouldn't fit.
144. Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde ????
A: She wouldn't have been old
enough to bear children!
145. Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting
them with dictionaries.
146. Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs
147. Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?
A: Looked around for the bastard
that must have shot her?
148. Q: Why do blondes have periods?
A: They deserve them.
149. Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear
fission! What do you use
150. Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy
and they taste good.
151. Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate
A: You find M&M shells all
over the kitchen floor.
152. Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms
and tell her to alphabetise them.
153. Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to
see where the sun went?
It finally dawned on here.
154. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when
she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT".
for a minute, she said to herself "oh well
!" and turned
around an drove home.
On her way home the same blonde drove past
that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the
time she drove
eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
155. How about the suicide blonde,
she dyed by her own hand.
156. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The
brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"
157. A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving
the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you
know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is,
it must be bad 'cause all
the people were leaving.
158. A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway.
"Miss, may I
see your driver's licence please?"
"It's a little
card with your picture on it."
"Oh, duh! Here
"May I have
your car insurance?"
"It's a document
that says you are allowed to drive the car."
"Oh this? Duh!
Here you go..."
The cop then
takes his dick out of his pants, while the
"Oh no, not
another breathalyzer test!"
159. Hubby: As a start I
think you should learn to "iron",
then we could do without the ironing lady.
Blonde Wife: Well if you would learn
to Fuck me properly
we could do without the gardener.
160. A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night
I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That's nothing;
last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god!
I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: ( looking
shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.
161. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of
them decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need
help. We're three blondes changing
a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put
in a fresh bulb?
Operator: The power in the
house in on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch
Operator: And the bulb still
won't light up?
it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the
Blonde: We got
dizzy spinning the ladder around and
we all fell and hurt ourselves.
162. What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
He wanted to know who the other man
163. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette,
a redhead, and a blonde.
The brunette looked over the water to the
estimated about 20 miles to shore. So
she announced, "I'm
going to try to swim to shore." So she
swam out five miles,
and got really tired. She swam out ten
miles from the island,
and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself,
"I wonder if
she made it. I guess it's better to try to
get to the mainland
than stay here and starve." So she attempts
to swim out.
The redhead had a lot more endurance than
as she swam out 10 miles before she even got
15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder
if they made it!
I think I'd better try to make it, too."
So she swam out
5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles
from the island.
The shore was just in sight, but she said,
"I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam
164. This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when
the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true
that if you
pull you finger out, I'll sink?"
165. Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked
down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks."
The other blonde
looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks,
those are wolf tracks."
"No. Those are deer tracks." They keep
arguing, and arguing,
and one half hour later they were both killed
by a train.
166. The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked
what was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend
Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded
her about the birds and the bees and the blonde
"No ma. I can fuck and suck with the best
of them. But
he says I can't cook"
167. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the
door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and
try harder, its
starting to rain and the top is down!
168. Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.
169. Q: Why was the blonde depressed when she received her
A: Because she got an F in sex.
170. Q: What do you call a brunette and four blondes standing on
a street corner?
A: Regular price, 4 bucks, 4 bucks, 4 bucks,
171. Did you hear about the blonde who:
had more on her body than on her mind?
was called "Sanka" because she had no active
took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
got into the taxi, and the driver kept the
"Vacant" sign up?
was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient?
had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?
thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
was told she was a silly puss, but insisted
she didn't have
a crazy cat?
after watching the ballerinas, wondered why
they didn't get
went to a nudist camp for a game of strip
brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up
172. Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
173. There were three women who were at the gynecologist having
pre-natel checkups The doctor asked the first
"in what position was the baby concieved ?"
"He was on top ", she replyed.
"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.
The second woman was asked the same question.
"I was on top ", was the reply.
"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.
With this, the third women, a blond, burst
"Whats the matter ?" asked the doc.
"Am I going to have puppies?".....
174. Q: What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another
a street corner?
A: 4 fucks, 4 fucks, 4 fucks,
not for a zillion fucks, 4 fucks!
175. Q: What's the difference between a blond
and a shopping cart.
A: A shopping cart
has a mind of it's own.
176. Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A: A waste.
177. Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?:
"Fun fun fun
worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO
PERIOD worry worry worry!
178. Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon
behind her ear,
she did with her pencil.
They take a lickin', and keep on...
180. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up
to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly,
bird drops a load when it was directly over
The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth
open, or that would've hit me right in the
181. Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen
to death in their car at a drive-in movie
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
182. Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM,
A: A blonde going through a flashing
183. Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her
A: It's on. It's off. It's on.
It's off. It's on. It's
off. It's on.
184. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the
Old Duke of
A: The Grand Old Duke of York
only 'had' 10000 men!
185. Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
186. Q: Why aren't BLONDES good cattle herders?
A: Because the can't even keep
two calves together!
187. Q: Why do blondes tattoo their zipcode under their
A: So they can get the male into
the right box.
188. Q: What do blondes and cow chips have in common?
A: The older they get, the easier
they are to pick up.
189. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.
190. Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator
191. Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
192. Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering
A: An Air Bag
193. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: Never mind that! What
was she doing out of the bedroom?!?
194. Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage
A: She realized she had given
her last blowjob.
195. Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing
A: A thought.
196. Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're
197. Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load
in a washing machine,
and it won't
follow you around for a week.
198. Q: What is the difference between a blondes legs and
A: Cold butter is difficult to
199. Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that
"love handles" referred to her ears?
200. Q: What do a blonde and Presdient Gorbachev have in
A: They both got fucked by 10
men whilst on holiday.
201. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and President
A: He knows who the ten men were.
202. Q: Why did they call the blond "Twinkie"?
A: She was always being filled