The Starr report
Clinton Jokes
Clinton

Most people worry about getting AIDS from sex.
Bill Clinton worries about getting sex from aides.
 

Did your Bill Clinton gave up playing his sax-a-phone?
He now plays his whore-monica.
 

Why does Clinton wants a postage stamp issued in his image?
So he gets licked more often.
 

Why was Monica Lewinsky in the White House after hours?
Clinton was showing her the proper way to take "dic"tation.
 

What's the new name for the place where Bill Clinton does his business?
The Oral Office.
 

What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?
"Sat on the Presidential Staff"
 

Why does President Clinton invite so many ladies into his private study?
He wants to show them his executive branch.
 

What's Bill Clinton's favorite movie ?
Sex lies and video tape
 

Why is there no proof?
She swallowed the evidence.
 

What is Bill's definition of safe sex?
When Hillary is out of town.
 

What game did Bill Clinton want Paula Jones to play?
Swallow the leader
 

How does Clinton divert his attention from the latest controversy?
He just keeps on plugging away.
 

What did Ronald Reagan say after hearing President Clinton's latest State of the Union speech?
You know, Nancy, the man is a better actor than I ever was.
 

What do the Zippergate and Watergate scandals have in common?
Deep Throats.
 

Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky is going to give a statement to the press?
They're billing it as The State of His Unit Undressed.
 

What is Clinton's favorite brand of toothbrush?
ORAL B.
 

What is Monica Lewinsky's favorite instrument?
The organ.
 

Bill Clinton: the only man who can turn attention away from one of his sex scandals with another sex scandal!
 

In a survey of American women, when asked, "Would you sleep with President Clinton", 86% replied, "Not again"
 

There was an old creep called Slick Willy
Whose deportment was sometimes quite silly
With a wink of his eye
As he zipped down his fly
He’d pork the mouth of some filly
 

Governor Willy's face got quite red
When he said, "Paula, give me some head."
 He pulled down his pants,
 And expected romance,
But Miss Jones sued his dumb ass instead.
 

Paula Jones proved to be very smart
So when asked to perform oral art,
 I will not, she said
 Put that thing in my head.
Do you think I'm a trailer park tart?
 

To avoid the possibility of accusations of impropriety, the President had a toothbrush surgically implanted in the head of his
penis.
 

Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton are on the Titanic, when
it starts to sink. Carter yells "quick save the women and children",
Nixon "fuck the women and children", Clinton "do we have time"
 

JFK:      "Ich bin ein Berliner"
Nixon:    "I am not a crook"
Reagan:   "Tear down that wall, Mr. Gorbachev"
clinton:  "Suck my dick"
 

It's doubtful that President Clinton will ever be convicted of any of these sex-related charges.
Starr will never be able to get the evidence to stand up in court.
 

Too bad the secret service won't testify...they could have given us a blow-by-blow account of what happened.
 

"President Clinton, what do you want to do about this abortion bill?"    "Pay it!"
 

Capital Hill definitions:
Intern: Be patient. All attractive pages will have the opportunity to ‘serve’ the President ‘in turn’.
Serve: Put your moniker on this.
Pants: What Monika is always doing and Bill can’t keep on.
 
 

Top Ten Unusual Comments on Monica Lewinsky's Intern Performance Report 

10. Truly an eager beaver. 
9.  Uses too much teeth. 
8.  Stays late, comes early. 
7.  Excellent oral dictation skills: has never missed a period.
6.  Great attitude! Willing to accept a heavy load. 
5.  Frequently complains of jaw pain. 
4.  Although not a whiner, tends to be a moaner.
3.  "In box" is always clean and shiny. 
2.  Tends to blab on the telephone. 

And the best thing the President had to say about her... 

1.  This intern may suck, but she doesn't inhale. 


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