THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR

TO MAKE PEOPLE THINK YOU'RE CRAZY

 1.     Make race car noises when anyohne gets on or off.
 2.     Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other
        passengers.
 3.     Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering:  "Shut
        up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
 4.     Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
 5.     Sell Girl Scout cookies.
 6.     On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the
        elevator.
 7.     Shave.
 8.     Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask: "Got
        enough air in there?"
 9.     Offer name tages to everyone getting on the elevator.  Wear yours
        upside-down.
10.     Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without
        getting off.
11.     When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open,
        then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12.     Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
13.     Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask
        them to call you "Admiral".
14.     One word:  Flatulence!
15.     On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open
        until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the
        bottom.
16.     Do Tai Chi exercises.
17.     Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce:
        "I've got new socks on!"
18.     When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back:  "Oh, not now,
        damn motion sickness!"
19.     Give religious tracts to each passenger.
20.     Meow occasionally.
21.     Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22.     Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go", then sigh and say "oops!"
23.     Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
24.     Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continualy pushing buttons.
25.     Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
26.     Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27.     Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of
        THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
28.     Burp, and then say "mmmmm...tasty!"
29.     Leave a box between the doors.
30.     Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31.     Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
32.     Start a sing-along.
33.     When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "is that your
        beeper?"
34.     Play the harmonica.
35.     Shadow box.
36.     Say "Ding!" at each floor.
37.     Lean against the button panel.
38.     Say "I wonder what all these do.." and push the red buttons.
39.     Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40.     Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
        passengers that this is your "personal space".
41.     Bring a chair along.
42.     Take a bit of a sandwich and ask another passenger:  "Wanna see wha in
        muh mouf?"
43.     Blow spit bubbles.
44.     Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45.     Announce in a demonic voice:  "I must find a more suitable host body!"
46.     Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
47.     Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48.     Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49.     Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
50.     If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

/c:by Alan Meiss
/c:ameiss@gn.ecn.purdue.edu

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